Tuesday, February 3, 2009

groundhog day (better late than never)

A majority of groundhogs say six more weeks of winter. But " according to the U.S. National Climate Prediction Center, Phil and other U.S. and Canadian groundhogs get it right about 39% of the time."

Uh, excuse me?
There's going to be six more weeks of winter whether you like it or not, Phil. I highly doubt, anyway, that you can see your feet or anything beyond that massive spare tire you've got goin' on there, much less your shadow. I don't think this nation should be taking weather cues from an overinflated rodent, if you ask me.

From some colonial dude's old-ass diary:
"Last Tuesday, the 2nd, was Candlemas day, the day on which, according to the Germans, the Groundhog peeps out of his winter quarters and if he sees his shadow he pops back for another six weeks nap, but if the day be cloudy he remains out, as the weather is to be moderate."

Why is the weather more likely to be moderate if it's cloudy out? To me, when it's cloudy out, that means it is going to rain, snow, sleet, hail or otherwise precipitate. If I were a groundhog I would get right the fuck back in my hole if I didn't see my shadow. Anyway, who would pass up six weeks of sleep during winter? Every high school student in the world would be more than happy to take Phil's place right now, let me tell you. He just doesn't know how good he has it. Or...maybe he does, and that's why he just half-asses it and gets fat. Either way, dude...step it up.

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