Tuesday, July 29, 2008

flipping out

So, you may not know this, but I love the Bravo show "Flipping Out". It's about Jeff, an anal-retentive OCD house flipper thing guy thing, and his quirky cast of staff. I have to say that my favorite player on Team Jeff is Zoila, his Latina maid.

One can only hope she got the phrase wrong.

Anyway, my favorite episode so far is the episode where it's Zoila's birthday. Apparently Jeff had just watched that episode of Seinfeld with "The Kramer", because he decides it would be a great fucking idea to get Zoila a painting of herself. Painted by him. Because that's just what I would want, too.


Needless to say, homegirl ain't thrilled. But, she doesn't possess a modicum of scruples, because she proceeds to announce just how fugly it is, right in front of the dude who painted it.
She like, "Oh mah gah, I look so wretched...Is this how he thinks I look? Shit."

Thankfulness. Appreciation. Gratitude.

Everybody in the house is pretty much scared of the painting, but I really don't see the need for that, it's not like he made a Clown Zoila Hologram or anything. But nevertheless, the assistants kind of skulk around the painting like it's a vicious bulldog, while Jeff pretends everyone likes it with his tail firmly planted between his legs.

Jeff will not stand for this! He is an artist, damn it, and will not settle for his painting being hated by all who lay eyes upon it. So, like any other decent human being, he has it retouched, which I guess means they took the double chins out or something. At any rate, it now looks like a Mount Rushmore head on a chubby hotel maid's body, but Jeff expects Zoila to cream her panties about it, because he's like "How about...THIS? Eh? Eh?" Zoila just looks at it, sighs, and shuffles off muttering "Fuck my life."


Sigh. Oh, Jeff. JEFF. Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. El Jefe. You delicious meaty chunk of man. Come over to my house and clean my room, please. I don't even care if you root through my underwear drawer. They'll probably fit better just by you touching them.

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