holy crap.

Okay, so here's the deal, you guys. Kat needs a job. I figured I could apply at Victoria's Secret, since I shop there all the time and I'd like discounts on their stuff and it'd be fun.

Will you take a look at their dress code?

It's ridiculous! I want to work there, but I'm scared to! I break their dress code on like seven counts even at school where there's a uniform! Can any of you guys recommend someplace for me to work, preferably retail?

HOLY SHIT. Pac Sun workers get 30 PERCENT DISCOUNT. That does it, I NEED TO WORK THERE

more dreams

So last night I dreamed that I was with my mom at an airport. It was huge and bustling, and had lots and lots of escalators. Like seriously, you could not just walk on the ground, there were escalators fucking EVERYWHERE, man. Anyway, the Boston Strangler was on the loose, and he was looking for me, but my mom didn't know that. So I said I was going to the bathroom, but really I just wanted to hide out from the Strangler. So my mom said, "Okay, but hurry up, because we're going to miss our flight." So I went on the escalator to the bathroom, but I couldn't hide because the restrooms were full to bursting with lesbians. Lesbians kissing, holding hands, lesbians texting, lesbians washing their hands, lesbians struggling to dry their hands under the shitty asthmatic-guy-blowing-on-you-hand dryer, lesbians OUT THE FUCKING WAZOO. So I panicked. I passed my mom on the escalator and she was like "JESUS CHRIST KAT WE'RE GOING TO MISS OUR FLIGHT LET'S GO" and I was like "JUST ONE SECOND MOM I'M TRYING TO EVADE THE STRANGLER" and then eventually I ran into this tiny, decrepit wooden bathroom, and the toilet was clogged with a bra for some reason, and just when I thought I was safe, I saw the shadow of the strangler creeping out from behind the partition.

mr. slave dies. oh jesus christ.

Okay, so this entry is going to showcase how fucking stupid I am, so be warned if you thought I was some kind of girl genius before.

Now that the two of you who thought that are briefed, let me begin.
Well, since it's six degrees and snowing balls outside, we had a snow day today. I decided to spend my snow day in the hot tub eating chocolate frosting. Now, I always text in the tub. It's fun and it makes me feel like one of those Gossip Girl...girls. But today I had a case of the dropsies, so to speak. Namely, I dropsied my phone, Mr. Slave, into the tub.
He was only underwater for like four or five seconds, but I am so goddamn retarded that I picked my phone up, saw that it was still okay, though the light on the screen was flickering a bit, and proceeded to answer the text before powering my phone off and removing the battery.
So I'm hoping that I'm not, you know, totally fucked or anything. I probably am, but still. I can use my Christmas money to buy a new phone if need arises.

+2 points

It seems that the new sport among the teen boy set is "Let's Throw Food Items Into Kat's Cleavage".

I'll explain.

You see, I am tall, so polo shirts do not fit me. As a result, I must wear button-downs. Therefore, it is very easy to, from a sitting position, toss things into my bra.

Whatever, guys. I get to eat all the food that touches the girls, so joke's on YOU.

to dream the improbable dream

Well, two nights ago, for the first time in years, I had a dream that caused me to wake up in the middle of the night.

All I really remember is going to bed at 11:30, waking up at midnight because I was too hot, taking off my sweatshirt, and going back to bed. Then, I dreamed.
Oh God, did I dream.
I remember having a cockatiel, and I was petting it, and then I decided it'd be a really great idea to shove the bird in my pocket. You know, for later.
Then I woke up really fast, thinking I actually did have a bird in my pocket, in real life, and I was thinking that either the bird would die from crushing or lack of oxygen, or it'd fly out without warning and scare me. I was actually more afraid of the latter possibility.
So I jumped out of bed and started pulling at my pajama pants (WHICH DO NOT HAVE POCKETS) and eventually ripped them off of me, at which point I realized, while standing in the middle of my room in my underwear and Super Mario t-shirt at 4:30 in the morning, that I didn't have a god damn bird in my pocket.