fashion your seatbelts

i just got my wisdom teeth out

2009-08-20T16:40:00.000-07:00

KILL ME NOW BYE.

fashion's for skinny girls

2009-08-07T11:33:00.001-07:00

Let it be known that Kat is no waif. I know, considering the amount of time I spend blogging on food instead of fashion like I am supposed to be doing, you are shocked. But it is true. I'm probably, like, a size 7 or 8? I don't really care to check. But anyway, I'm totally proud to be non-thin. A lot of women say that, but I'm pretty sure I mean it. That's not to say that I don't have days where I hate my thighs and whatever, because I definitely do.

Anyway.

American Apparel is perplexing me lately.

It seems to me that this girl is missing something. That would be meat. On her bones. And a butt.

It's just weird that AA shoves the sexiness of its clothes down our throats, and then their models are reed-thin. I don't find that sexy, and I don't think many other people do. That's all.

But hey, it's okay to be skinny too. I used to be. And then I discovered cheesecake, and well, my thighs didn't really stand a chance after that, but it was nice while it lasted.

paula-vore

2009-08-04T09:12:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've yet mentioned my love for Paula Deen. I think she is adorable, hilarious, and I really want to come over to her house and have her make me fat.

So, I figured, why don't I combine my two favorite things, food and fashion?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Paula's Best Dishes.

Lemon Basil Chicken Salad

lemon basil chicken salad by artykat featuring Marchesa dresses

Obviously here the dress is the main part of the dish, and the shoes and jewlery are the macaroni noodles. The coat is the lettuce.

"We Need To Talk" Chocolate Pizza

"we need to talk" chocolate pizza by artykat featuring Bottega Veneta

I'm pretty sure nobody would actually wear this outfit, but oh well. Anyway, the blouse is the marshmallows, the skirt is the chocolate bits, and the accessories, which are the real fun here, are the M&Ms.

Pot Roast

pot roast by artykat on Polyvore.com

This one was my favorite to make. I love it. I had Katy Perry in mind the whole time. The brown romper is the meat and gravy, and the accesories and shoes are the pink of the inside of the beef. The jacket, which I'm not wild about, but oh well, was meant to represent the garnish on the side.

Never-Fail Pound Cake

pound cake by artykat featuring Christian Louboutin shoes

I am pretty sure these shoes don't go with the outfit. Hmm. Anyway, the dress is the cake. The shoes and jewlery are the berries. The cardigan is this berry sauce that I'm pretty sure was in the episode but not in the picture, and the umbrella, of course, is the whipped cream. Inevitably, I'm hungry now, so I'm off for some lunch.

please do this for me. please, please...please.

2009-07-15T10:38:00.000-07:00

Like what you see?

Then PLEASE visit my Flickr page and leave me some feedback.

http://www.flickr.com/invisiblebuttons

It's not all boring nature pictures, I promise.

2009-07-15T09:47:00.000-07:00

it's blitz!

2009-07-10T09:51:00.000-07:00

The new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album It's Blitz! seems like a bit of a departure from what they usually do. I haven't been a fan for very long, and really, I still haven't gotten over "Maps", but this seems more electro-ish. Which is never something that's been wrong for me personally. First let's just talk about the B.A. cover for just a sec. When I first saw it I had no idea what the heck was going on. I thought she was holding some sort of lamp that expelled water. Then I realized it was a photo of an egg being owned. And I thought it was awesome.

Anyway, the song "Heads Will Roll" is obviously an instant classic. I was sitting in the car with my friend Laura, and I said to myself (well, not as much to myself as to Laura), "I have got to get this album."

It opens with the sultry, spooky "Zero", a less dancey version of "Heads Will Roll". It is vaguely reminiscient of The Killers' "Human", and I think this new techno-infused art rock is a new kind of trend. And I like it.

However, other than the two tracks I just mentioned, none of them really jump out at me. Maybe it's because I'm notoriously hyper and have never been able to properly enjoy more downtempo tracks. Whatever the case may be, I can point out "Skeleton" and "Soft Shock" as two other tracks that I really ended up liking. Overall I'd give this album a three out of four.

oh hi sneakers, what's up?

2009-07-05T09:49:00.000-07:00

This is a Converse sneaker. Its name is Fonsworth. It likes golfing, tea, being on yo feet, and UH BEING TOTALLY AWESOME HI.

27 dresses

2009-06-30T14:38:00.000-07:00

No, not that horrible abomination! Why, it's 27 summer dresses I really need!

27 dresses by artykat featuring Betsey Johnson dresses

BILLY MAYS NO

2009-06-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

In honor of Billy Mays I present to you my video that I made long ago, "Billy Mays' Big Shitty Sliders".

why i love gabby

2009-06-24T13:55:00.000-07:00

@quirkyandco: i'm going soon to look at college. Maybe i'll see if there's a place in philly I can observe? Eh? Eh?

THIS IS GOING TO BE COOL I haven't been down to philly since I was 6 and it was hot as a jogger's nutsack as I recall

@artykat dude. do it. then you can like come to my home and my mother will nurture you with lasagna.

That's what my aunt rita did when I was there last...i'm so going to look up schools tomorrow

@artykat i think it's funny how you have not replied to me this whole time so it just looks like you are rambling to yourself. silly girl.

@quirkyandco: ... Oh. Yeah. Well. That was...on purpose.

2009-06-17T09:43:00.000-07:00

the beach

2009-06-06T11:11:00.002-07:00

click the pics to make them big.

this is for tavi.

2009-06-06T11:11:00.001-07:00

oh crap

2009-06-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

I just laughed unironically at a Family Circus strip.

Okay, but come on. Tell me that's not funny. For starters he has on his paper, "Chapt. 1 I'mn bored." And "something useless" is basically everything the Keane children ever do ever, so at least he knows what a little waste of space he is.

I'm not a bad person.

I just laughed at this. Unironically.

vous allez au promme! PICS DO NOT WORK, YOU WILL NEED TO CLICK THEM

2009-05-23T16:04:00.000-07:00

From left: Leah, Lauren, Jess, Becca, Katie, Brandon, and me.

Leah and her hoes.

The group. From left, Brandon, Katie, Jared, LITTLE BECCA, Lauren, Leah, me, and Jess.

Okay, so prom. Was. Awesome. First off, we were driven there in a PARTY BUS by Jared's amazing parents. We saw a bottle of what I was hoping was champagne but what turned out to be sparkling grape juice. Damn. And I was so intent on getting crunk, as you kids call it.

Party bus!

My shoes were amazing. They made me about six foot two, but I refused to take them off. I even danced in them. My thighs are not killing me. Shut up. Neither are my feet. I mean, I bought them at Charlotte Russe, and I do not just like them, we are involved. I am in a relationship with my prom shoes. I call them James Franco and Andy Samberg.

Shortly after we started bumpin and grindin to the latest slow jamz.

Leah and I get our groove on.

Confident Point!

Basically it was the shizzit. As you kids say.

all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek amy

2009-05-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

That title has nothing to do with this post. I just really like that song.

So I had an idea. I had the idea to do an all-accessory Polyvore. OOH META

accessories by artykat featuring Marc by Marc Jacobs bags

The most "I Need This Now Or I Will Have Five Kittens Out Of My Butt" thing on that is probably the boombox bag, IT HAS WORKING SPEAKERS YOU GUYS

Or the G Harajuku Lovers perfume. I already have Lil' Angel, but I'm running low.

Oh, and the Sheep Scandal 2009? You'll see. In due time. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

sheep scandal 2009

2009-05-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

wait, if you're here then that means...OH BOY

2009-05-06T14:13:00.000-07:00

So I've been tagged by Gabby in this thingy where you write 7 random things about yourself, so I'm going to do that.

1. I hate the movie Juno. I just hate it so much. I don't find it funny, I find the character of Juno to be ridiculously grating and kind of a bitch, and I hate how everyone likes it.

And the soundtrack sucks.

2. I want a ShamWOW so I can go around spilling stuff on purpose just to use it.

3. I'm related to Twiggy. We're distant cousins, apparently.

4. I might get my nose pierced this summer.

5. I take the cheese off my pizza, because when I was a baby I would get a rash when I ate dairy, so my mom would take the cheese off, and I've carried that habit through my whole life. I'll eat Pizza Hut's cheese pizza though, because it's very melty.

6. Although I hate country, I really like Taylor Swift, even though nobody will probably date her now because they know she'll write songs about it. She seems really nice, and she's 5 foot 11, which I never would have guessed. As someone who's 5 foot 9, it calms me that I'm not the only awkward freak out there.

7. When my apple is sour, I like it.

Hmm, I think I will tag Tavi, Belle, and Shade.

dreams suck sometimes.

2009-04-30T12:40:00.000-07:00

Last night, I dreamed that I got my blog featured in Teen Vogue, and I had like 43 comments on every blog post and was getting my wish of being semi-famous among the fashion blogging community. And then I woke up and I expected it to be real, and I had to do that thing where you realize in stages that nothing happened.

Hate that.

Anyway, I need to show you Things I Need For My Birthday, which is June 2nd, by the way.

birthday! by artykat featuring Forever21 hair accessories

I know that tank top is from Hollister, but come on. It is pretty cute. Right? It's not just me, right? PLEASE DO NOT LET IT JUST BE ME

you like?

2009-04-29T15:59:00.000-07:00

Express your views on this photo in comment form, please.

And now, without further ado, Kat's Summer List.

1. get really tan

2. go to the beach a lot

3. meet hot guys

4. go to shows

5. hang out with my school friends

7. have sleepovers

8. get a job

9. go outside every day

10. play in the rain

11. get a slip n slide

12. get more converse

13. make dinner more

14. facebook less

15. work out

16. ride my bike a lot

17. learn to drive finally

18. conquer fear of rollercoasters

19. be able to do a split

20. take a class for fun

21. be in a non-school play

22. make my blog famous

23. talk to tavi and gabby more

24. learn that "nations of the world" song from animaniacs

25. straighten my hair less

25. let my hair go back to its natural color

26. pierce something (most likely my nose)

27. hang out with andrew, corinne, and caitlin

28. make vlogs

29. have a party

30. get more into music

32. watch parks and recreation

33. learn to knit

So there you have it. 33 things I will do this summer. Make your summer lists now! That means you, Tavi, Gabby, Karl, and anonymous others!

yep this is making my life

2009-04-25T18:28:00.000-07:00

I'm in the midst of an IM chatroom... chat with Tavi and fakekarl and it is MAKING MY SATURDAY NIGHT. Honestly, this is probably the best day ever, since it's so hot out and I get to go outside and see if I can be the only girl at my high school with a natural tan.

You can follow me on Twitter now, btdubs. http://www.twitter.com/artykat

Do it. I make ~~worthwhile~~ inconsequential but entertaining tweets.

holy crap.

2009-04-24T13:59:00.001-07:00

Okay, so here's the deal, you guys. Kat needs a job. I figured I could apply at Victoria's Secret, since I shop there all the time and I'd like discounts on their stuff and it'd be fun.

Will you take a look at their dress code?

It's ridiculous! I want to work there, but I'm scared to! I break their dress code on like seven counts even at school where there's a uniform! Can any of you guys recommend someplace for me to work, preferably retail?

HOLY SHIT. Pac Sun workers get 30 PERCENT DISCOUNT. That does it, I NEED TO WORK THERE

polywhore.

2009-04-22T17:50:00.000-07:00

another one. by artykat featuring Converse sneakers

Yep, another one. BUY KAT THESE THINGS

ow. ow. OW.

2009-04-21T13:38:00.000-07:00

This is gonna be a short blog post today because I'm not really in the writing mood, but I love all my readers (all three of you, which, let's be honest, includes me) so much that I will write anyway.

My wisdom teeth are growing in. It's not just that I know it, I can feel it. I feel like I'm a baby, teething away, and it hurts. A lot. I don't know if you know this, but a staple of my diet is gummy, sugary, unhealthy crap. How can I destroy my body now? Smoke? Meth?

need. now. by artykat featuring Converse flat shoes

My first Polyvore too! As you can see, I'm really not into heels, at all.

these wounds are self inflicted

2009-04-20T15:30:00.000-07:00

So last night, I made all my old dance costumes into ridiculous clothing. My old magenta tutu decided that it wanted to be a crinoline or high-waisted skirt when it grew up, and in order to do that, I had to tone down the ridicutwee a BIT and remove a couple layers. So as a result, I had all this extra tulle. What did I do with it? Why, made hair accessories of course! Here's my dirty hipster headband. It was much ridiculed and maligned and even pulled off my head a few times by a couple of very rude estudiantes, but I remained brave in the face of adversity. I maintain that this headband is .. everything, let Blair Waldorf tell you.

Tomorrow, I'm wearing the bow I made. There will be pictures of that too, don't worry!

the soundtrack to my life.

2009-04-19T11:30:00.000-07:00

If you ever have the desire for new music/to feel like a lanky pale Italian teenage girl, have I got the playlist for you!

Here's my favorite songs of all time.

1. Unfinished Business- White Lies
2. Deceptacon- Le Tigre
3. Prescilla- Bat For Lashes
4. Magique- We Are Wolves
5. Ce Jeu- Yelle
6. Dyed In the Wool- The Young Knives
7. This Is Your Life- The Killers
8. Moi Je Joue- Brigitte Bardot
9. Jogging- Yelle
10. Get Better- Mates of State

Suffice it to say I really love Yelle.

i've found my favorite thing in the world.

2009-04-19T11:20:00.000-07:00

this is a wonderful sketch of Tavi done by the girl behind Nice and Shiny. It's like, when two worlds of amazing collide, Kat cannot handle it and needs to blog about it. Feast yer eyeholes.
It's so adorable I'd rather adopt it than the actual Tavi. Yeah.

Also, today when my dad was unloading the groceries, he noticed we got one can of orange soda with nothing in it.

if you loved me you'd get these for me

2009-04-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

Bad things happen when I go to look at American Apparel, you guys.

When I do, I start needing these seersucker bloomers.

And this printed cotton spandex jersey mini.

You want to buy them for me, right? I can tell you love me just that much. I promise to never use your fish tank filter to make taco salad, or accidentally clog your toilet, or turn your thermostat up way too high, ever again...

i go town to town and i prey on sluts

2009-04-19T08:59:00.001-07:00

Here's a list of Facebook bumper stickers I hate and the reasons why.

That's because it is. Being a bitch? totally a BAD THING.

"Thas"? "Deusch"? Zac Efron? I don't know these words.

Okay but those shoes are ugly.

I don't know what strikes me as being so gross about the tears in this picture, but for some reason I have to hork down the rising bile in my throat every time I see this one.

Oh Little Kids.

2009-04-18T18:14:00.001-07:00

Thanks Tavi for this link!

Okay, so here's what's happened in the months since I've updated

2009-04-18T17:14:00.000-07:00

I was in Seussical!

There's our director Mr. Tryzbiak creeping in the background. He looks pretty pleased with something, over there. All it was was Mr. Bischof's desk, which was pretty messy, so I don't know.

I was a Cadet, a Hunch, a Hunter, and a Fish. It was fun times. I got to glow under blacklight for the "It's Possible" number. I named my fish Yolanda. I don't have any pictures of it, sadly. But it was epic. Lulz were had.
My Zune died and I got an iPod. It's pink, and its name is Fabulous Frank. I like to imagine it talking in the voice of a gay man.

Sadly, that's basically it. I have become addicted to lots of blogs since then. In fact, I'm up to date with everyone's blog... except my own. Writer's block FTW. I still can't really think of anything to post today, either, but Tavi and Karl Lagerfeld told me to, so I had to post.
Um, hopefully this doesn't last much longer.

Bellamation!

2009-03-15T15:08:00.000-07:00

She likes to sleep under the covers.

but if you leave i just don't think i can take...it

2009-03-08T14:12:00.000-07:00

occasionally i do photo shoots with my friend lee, who is a badass bitch and my dick is scared of her.

um say what?!

2009-03-06T16:33:00.000-08:00

uhm, people, not to be forward or anything but LADY GAGA OMIGOD.

i mean will you look at this?

and this?

and jesus, look at this!! (sorry, she doesn't let you embed this one.)

i mean, it is one thing that the woman does not wear pants, which is ballsy and oh my god you guys her legs. but it is completely another thing to be poppy and dance-y and radio-able but also to be a total badass and not a stupid popstar. (i'm looking at you, DESTINY HOPE CYRUS.)
i don't typically like this type of music, but you guys. you guys, how can you not? (if you're gonna be a pessimistic poop in the comments then DO NOT ANSWER THIS I DO NOT NEED YOUR NEGATIVITY.)
also, would you like to see my art? i think you do.
i derived this from the miss dior cherie ad, it was for an assignment that turned out to have to do with nature, so i couldn't turn this one in. fuck you, nature. i hate drawing flowers and shit.

what do you think? yes? no? i'm going to try and stop vomiting on the keyboard long enough to tell you what i think of this drawing? hit me up, yo.

more dreams

2009-02-04T10:40:00.000-08:00

So last night I dreamed that I was with my mom at an airport. It was huge and bustling, and had lots and lots of escalators. Like seriously, you could not just walk on the ground, there were escalators fucking EVERYWHERE, man. Anyway, the Boston Strangler was on the loose, and he was looking for me, but my mom didn't know that. So I said I was going to the bathroom, but really I just wanted to hide out from the Strangler. So my mom said, "Okay, but hurry up, because we're going to miss our flight." So I went on the escalator to the bathroom, but I couldn't hide because the restrooms were full to bursting with lesbians. Lesbians kissing, holding hands, lesbians texting, lesbians washing their hands, lesbians struggling to dry their hands under the shitty asthmatic-guy-blowing-on-you-hand dryer, lesbians OUT THE FUCKING WAZOO. So I panicked. I passed my mom on the escalator and she was like "JESUS CHRIST KAT WE'RE GOING TO MISS OUR FLIGHT LET'S GO" and I was like "JUST ONE SECOND MOM I'M TRYING TO EVADE THE STRANGLER" and then eventually I ran into this tiny, decrepit wooden bathroom, and the toilet was clogged with a bra for some reason, and just when I thought I was safe, I saw the shadow of the strangler creeping out from behind the partition.

groundhog day (better late than never)

2009-02-03T12:36:00.000-08:00

A majority of groundhogs say six more weeks of winter. But " according to the U.S. National Climate Prediction Center, Phil and other U.S. and Canadian groundhogs get it right about 39% of the time."

Uh, excuse me?
There's going to be six more weeks of winter whether you like it or not, Phil. I highly doubt, anyway, that you can see your feet or anything beyond that massive spare tire you've got goin' on there, much less your shadow. I don't think this nation should be taking weather cues from an overinflated rodent, if you ask me.

From some colonial dude's old-ass diary:
"Last Tuesday, the 2nd, was Candlemas day, the day on which, according to the Germans, the Groundhog peeps out of his winter quarters and if he sees his shadow he pops back for another six weeks nap, but if the day be cloudy he remains out, as the weather is to be moderate."

AHH WHAT THE FUCK THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE
Why is the weather more likely to be moderate if it's cloudy out? To me, when it's cloudy out, that means it is going to rain, snow, sleet, hail or otherwise precipitate. If I were a groundhog I would get right the fuck back in my hole if I didn't see my shadow. Anyway, who would pass up six weeks of sleep during winter? Every high school student in the world would be more than happy to take Phil's place right now, let me tell you. He just doesn't know how good he has it. Or...maybe he does, and that's why he just half-asses it and gets fat. Either way, dude...step it up.

i ain't no hollaback girl.

2009-02-03T11:58:00.000-08:00

I've decided to discuss my penchant for red lipstick.
Now, a lot of people at my school say red lipstick is my trademark. And ordinarily, I'd jump all over the chance to have a trademark, like a Jewish boy (we'll get to that later, don't you worry). But in this case it just doesn't feel right, seeing as I stole the crap out of that idea from Gwen Stefani, who is my favorite singer ever. I lucked out, though, because according to my friends, my mother, and my Spanish teacher, I am so pale that the deep red lipstick I choose (Rimmel's "Ravish", in case you're wondering) looks really good on me. I started wearing it back in November after my dress rehearsals for Sweeney Todd. The deep deep red was costume makeup, but everybody said it looked good on me, so I decided to induct it into my everday routine. I think it sets me apart from my glossy compadres.
Now, about the Jewish boy thing...
I've just realized every guy, celebrity or otherwise, I've had a crush on, has been Jewish or at least half Jewish. I think this means that my type is just Jew. Which is weird because I'm not religious or anything, I don't know why. Actually I have an inkling. But promise you won't call me racist. I just seem to like those skinny, nerdy hipster boys, and a good percentage of them seem to be Jewish. I'm not doing stereotypes! Shut up! Don't judge me!
You guys should comment me, that was fun times when you did that and I miss it.

a little note

2008-12-30T07:56:00.001-08:00

TEARS OF BLOOD is parodic. I don't write like that, I could do a way better job, and I really hate Twilight. So don't get the idea that I really suck at writing. Because I don't suck THAT bad.

mr. slave dies. oh jesus christ.

2008-12-22T11:46:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this entry is going to showcase how fucking stupid I am, so be warned if you thought I was some kind of girl genius before.

Now that the two of you who thought that are briefed, let me begin.
Well, since it's six degrees and snowing balls outside, we had a snow day today. I decided to spend my snow day in the hot tub eating chocolate frosting. Now, I always text in the tub. It's fun and it makes me feel like one of those Gossip Girl...girls. But today I had a case of the dropsies, so to speak. Namely, I dropsied my phone, Mr. Slave, into the tub.
He was only underwater for like four or five seconds, but I am so goddamn retarded that I picked my phone up, saw that it was still okay, though the light on the screen was flickering a bit, and proceeded to answer the text before powering my phone off and removing the battery.
So I'm hoping that I'm not, you know, totally fucked or anything. I probably am, but still. I can use my Christmas money to buy a new phone if need arises.

ice ice baby

2008-12-13T07:49:00.000-08:00

Last night, as I was sitting here reading other people's blogs, my best guy friend IM-ed me and asked me if I wanted to go ice skating with him and his sisters.
I answered with a resounding, "Hell yes!" of course.
When I got out on the ice, I was determined not to be a wall-hanger, so I got out there and actually skated. And you know what? Despite how clumsy I am, I did not fall even once. So ha ha ha ha, ha ha, ha everyone.
There were a LOT of middle school kids. Honestly, it was like 75% sixth-graders, and they all looked at me like I was the tallest/oldest person ever. I'm only 16, dudes, don't make me feel old. And the littlest kids were total douchebags! I'm serious, guys, they would like zoom across the rink at top speed and make it look like they were going to hit you then turn away at the LAST possible second.
There's an hour of skating, then they make you get off the ice for like 15 minutes so they can Zamboni the ruts out of the ice, and that's when people eat. So I got a soft pretzel, and it was NASTY. Like, really really stale. So I took it back to the counter and said, "This is like really really stale." The girl behind the counter said "Okay," and took the pretzel. Then she gave me another unsatisfying pretzel.
I really don't know why, but I was kind of expecting my money back. I mean, if the first pretzel they gave me was gross enough to warrant me giving it back, why would they think I'd want another one?
After that, I won a penguin with a bow tie from the skill crane. That's right, not everybody is a loser on those things.

+2 points

2008-12-11T17:27:00.000-08:00

It seems that the new sport among the teen boy set is "Let's Throw Food Items Into Kat's Cleavage".

I'll explain.

You see, I am tall, so polo shirts do not fit me. As a result, I must wear button-downs. Therefore, it is very easy to, from a sitting position, toss things into my bra.

Whatever, guys. I get to eat all the food that touches the girls, so joke's on YOU.

to dream the improbable dream

2008-12-10T16:25:00.000-08:00

Well, two nights ago, for the first time in years, I had a dream that caused me to wake up in the middle of the night.

All I really remember is going to bed at 11:30, waking up at midnight because I was too hot, taking off my sweatshirt, and going back to bed. Then, I dreamed.
Oh God, did I dream.
I remember having a cockatiel, and I was petting it, and then I decided it'd be a really great idea to shove the bird in my pocket. You know, for later.
Then I woke up really fast, thinking I actually did have a bird in my pocket, in real life, and I was thinking that either the bird would die from crushing or lack of oxygen, or it'd fly out without warning and scare me. I was actually more afraid of the latter possibility.
So I jumped out of bed and started pulling at my pajama pants (WHICH DO NOT HAVE POCKETS) and eventually ripped them off of me, at which point I realized, while standing in the middle of my room in my underwear and Super Mario t-shirt at 4:30 in the morning, that I didn't have a god damn bird in my pocket.

are you finished with those errands?

2008-12-06T14:49:00.001-08:00

Today was Saturday. Errand Day. Ahh, sweet shopping. Yes indeed.
First, though, I had to watch Drake and Josh's Christmas movie thing. It, as I suspected, was completely hilarious. It's way more funny without that annoying laugh track. They say the word "nipple". It was awesome. Those boys are good comedic actors, and not bad to look at either. :3
I had to go to get an interview from the head priest guy for my confirmation. Being agnostic, I was fully prepared to tell him that I really don't believe in God and I'm opposed to the idea of religion in general. But something about being in The House Of The Lord makes you wanna lie like all get-out. I lied like it was the Annual Liars' Convention In Liartown, USA, and I was going for the blue ribbon in the Lying Competition. I told him I prayed. Every night. I only pray facetiously. I am so going to Hell if it exists. If it doesn't, my fertilizer remains will grow themselves into a really ugly tree. That dogs pee on. Frequently.
I got this one book at the library, and somebody left a note in it. It says:
"Dear Paper Towns Reader,
I think this book amazing. It's one of the best books I've ever read. I think you will fell the same. John Green leaves you crying on one page and laughing on the next, you just can't stop reading! You'll be done with it before you know it!
-Anonomys"

I had several reactions to this:
1. That is extremely cute and I probably will start doing this.
2. How old are you? Learn grammar, for crying out loud.
3. This book better be good with that kind of buildup.
4. Actually I think "I think this book amazing" might actually be accepted grammar. But nobody talks like that. I think it awkward.
It was kind of cool, though. The only other things I've found in library books have been bookmarks with pandas on them (that I kept) and shopping lists (that I read and laughed at. Cantaloupe? Who eats cantaloupe? Ha ha ha ha).
Then I went to Super Wal-Mart because my jeweled Hello Kitty keychain broke and I need super-glue so I can make it into a necklace. Also, I needed nail polish and more lipstick, because I'm now doing my lips darker. I look sexy. And a little like a vampire.
When I parked there was this gangsta-lookin' dude in the car next to me, sitting in the front seat and playing Game Boy Advance. When I came out, he was still there. I thought he was waiting for someone, but I was shopping for like a half hour or forty-five minutes. Plus it was 25 degrees outside. Still, he was kind of wise to not have gone in, because as always, it was a madhouse, and as always, the employees creeped me out.

To whoever it was that made that google search

2008-12-06T13:23:00.000-08:00

I now realize what you wanted.
See, I Googled "Asian littlekat young", and I found out that there's a lesbian porn star named Kat Young who is quite Asian.
And you clicked my blog.
You must have been so disappointed.
While I don't have much to offer by way of Asian girl-on-girl action, I hope some of my blog entries were able to entertain you. Or something like that. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hope it wasn't a total loss.
Warmest Regards,
Kat

Twilight

2008-12-05T19:20:00.000-08:00

I'm currently re-reading an ebook of Twilight, to brief myself for Sunday, when I go to see the movie. I'm not a fan, but I am a Team Jacob. I hate that Bella's a Mary Sue, and I think it could be way more well-written than it actually is, but I love vampires, so yeah.
Anyway, my main problem is that I can't just have the ebook window open, I have to have blogs and Myspace and Facebook and music on and AIM and MSN and Cyanide and Happiness and I Can Has Cheezburger and the ebook. So even though I know the story, it's still pissing me off that I have ADD and can only read one page every hour, basically.

I don't really like Kristen Stewart.

Oh well, such is life. Besides, R-Pat is sexy, even if he wears weird lipstick. He hates Edward and the books as much as I do.

my first interesting google search

2008-12-05T16:34:00.000-08:00

"asian littlekat young"

kat- yes.
young- yes.
asian- 1/4th lebanese, doesn't actually count. more middle eastern.
little- 5'9"? don't think so.

weird fetishes perhaps? lol.

the other interesting one was

"kenley collins poor sport".

what? no.
yes.
sorry, kenley.

OH LOL ADMINISTRATION

2008-11-11T14:47:00.000-08:00

today i got in school suspension.

why, you ask? did i bring a gun to school? cuss out the teacher? wear a shirt with swear words on it? rape someone?

nope, my skirt was two inches too short.

fucking yes.

okay, let's get out of the way the fact that i am five foot nine. i'm freakish. there's nothing i can do- no pants fit me, and evidently no skirts fit me either.

apparently i was SUCH a hazard to other peoples' learning process that i had to be quarantined.

well, FUCK YOU, administration. seriously. what the FUCK is so wrong with my skirt being a little short? do you object to seeing my paper-colored, straw-thin legs? you think i do a little two-dollar sucky-suck glory hole ho action in the bathroom stalls? WHAT is so serious about my skirt being a teeny bit too short? it wasn't egregiously short. just two fucking inches. probably an inch and a half.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. i hope you get a fat dildo in your ass one day. when you do, REMEMBER ME MOTHERFUCKER.

google analytics

2008-11-06T22:00:00.000-08:00

oh hot chicken sandwich!

i'm the hottest shit in town now, bitches. i've added google analytics to my blog. i can see what google searches lead people to my blog, which means that i can post funny ones here yay!

lately i've been addicted to bridget jones has nothing on me. the girl that writes it is fantastically funny. i can only hope to be that witty. girls, where do you get the cute cartoon versions of yourselves? help a sistah out.

later days, sexy beasts.

omigod tim gunn! omgiod!

2008-09-20T16:57:00.001-07:00

Tim, what are you trying to do to me? You know I am just now watching my Tivo'd episodes of PR that have been backed up for far too long, where do you get off saying "I see some of you are still sewing question mark?" and making me squeal excitedly and scare my cat and wish you were my BFF? It's not nice to do things like that to innocent teenage girls, Tim Gunn.

tila tequila

2008-07-29T09:51:00.000-07:00

These are the best pictures I could find from this past season of Tila Tequila's Shot At Love. Please to enjoy.

It's challenges like these that Tila selected because they really get to the heart of a person and show off their character.

Everybody should know better than to serve hot dogs, pickles, cucumbers, zucchini, popsicles...anything remotely phallus-shaped, within an eleven-mile radius of Tila.

The most difficult challenge yet: The Farting Contest.

Tila and The Butterface do...something. Who cares, they're both half nude.

"Um, I came on this show because I haven't had much work since The Lost Boys and Feld-Dog and I decided I needed to get in on some hot Asian midget poon."

"I'm into subtle people!"

"Spinoff, MTV? Eh? Eh? Think about it, babe."

"Let me be your candy girl. I'm a naughty schoolgirl. We're going to fuck, is what I'm saying."

A great man once said, "Everything comes down to poo. From the top of your head, to the sole of your shoe."

I Punched A Douchebag On Tila Tequila's Show And All I Got Was Bo Diddly

"Ooh, not tonight. I'm pretty sure there's a couple of kids in there."

Just so you know he's totally secure in his masculinity.

"Everyone says I put the 'Sir' in Sirbrina!"

flipping out

2008-07-29T09:36:00.000-07:00

So, you may not know this, but I love the Bravo show "Flipping Out". It's about Jeff, an anal-retentive OCD house flipper thing guy thing, and his quirky cast of staff. I have to say that my favorite player on Team Jeff is Zoila, his Latina maid.

One can only hope she got the phrase wrong.

Anyway, my favorite episode so far is the episode where it's Zoila's birthday. Apparently Jeff had just watched that episode of Seinfeld with "The Kramer", because he decides it would be a great fucking idea to get Zoila a painting of herself. Painted by him. Because that's just what I would want, too.

TA-DAAAA!

Needless to say, homegirl ain't thrilled. But, she doesn't possess a modicum of scruples, because she proceeds to announce just how fugly it is, right in front of the dude who painted it.
She like, "Oh mah gah, I look so wretched...Is this how he thinks I look? Shit."

Thankfulness. Appreciation. Gratitude.

Everybody in the house is pretty much scared of the painting, but I really don't see the need for that, it's not like he made a Clown Zoila Hologram or anything. But nevertheless, the assistants kind of skulk around the painting like it's a vicious bulldog, while Jeff pretends everyone likes it with his tail firmly planted between his legs.

Jeff will not stand for this! He is an artist, damn it, and will not settle for his painting being hated by all who lay eyes upon it. So, like any other decent human being, he has it retouched, which I guess means they took the double chins out or something. At any rate, it now looks like a Mount Rushmore head on a chubby hotel maid's body, but Jeff expects Zoila to cream her panties about it, because he's like "How about...THIS? Eh? Eh?" Zoila just looks at it, sighs, and shuffles off muttering "Fuck my life."

Beauty!

Sigh. Oh, Jeff. JEFF. Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. El Jefe. You delicious meaty chunk of man. Come over to my house and clean my room, please. I don't even care if you root through my underwear drawer. They'll probably fit better just by you touching them.

myspace pictures

2008-07-28T18:57:00.001-07:00

So, I decided to make a post all about Myspace pictures and how ridonkulous they are. To start off the entry, I must say that none of these people are my friends or people I know, and if you see yourself in any of these pictures and want me to take it down, just leave me a comment and I'll do it.

bad photoshop

I guess this girl figured a tampon was a good hair accessory. I guess she also figured it'd distract from the uncannily smooth area under her eyes. oh, and her zombielike stare at the psp.

I'm sure her eyes are naturally luminous, reflecty, and colored like the sea on a brooding fog day, but I'm not the BOTD type.

I understand that she wanted to make herself look like she was wearing black eyeshadow, but why would you think this looked good? Her eyes look like black holes of death!

Again with the makeup photoshop! And I love Hello Kitty, don't get me wrong. But do you actually expect us to believe that the HK on your shirt is that glowy? "How awesome! An LED tanktop!"

wonderfully skanky (all on tila tequila's friends list)

I found this master of subtlety on Tila's comments page. His comment? "add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all adds i promise !add me i accept all"
I'm not kidding.

She calls herself "So Sammy". She's not only Sammy, she's very, very, Sammy. So back off bitches.

They're the size of your head. I bet this girl's tits are bigger than her ass.

This girl's comment was "party time!!!" Aptly stated. I think I got drunk just from looking at her picture. And an STD.

I'm not including this girl's picture because I don't want her to get raped or kidnapped by any more people. But here was her comment: "call me or text!559-572-xxxx!call me or text!559-572-xxxx!...." Only she put her ACTUAL PHONE NUMBER, about 200 more times.

celebrities

I have the same sunglasses as FLAVOR FLAV. FLAVOR FUCKING FLAV.

I think she defaced her own image so nobody else would do it first.

You might say, "Wait, I don't know this girl." Well, this is the first result I got when I searched for "Ron Jeremy". So, Ron Jeremy, everyone.

wtf?

Wait, this is just Kathy Griffin in a wig, right? RIGHT?

This lady is part of some show thingy, I think. In any case, her "about me" speaks for itself. " About me:
I am very nice woman who like to fighting the crimes. I am willing to do ANYTHING to get the information that is for the case. I go under the covers alot, so if ju see me around, don't come say "hi" unless I say ju "Hi" first. Especially if I'm handeling the cash on the street, then for sure, ju don't know me and don't see nothing."

"Hollywood Ken" takes himself REALLY seriously. Way too seriously for someone who refuses to wear sleeves.

queen bees, degrassi, and my effed-up dreams

2008-07-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

Welcome, honey bees, to post numero dos!
I'd like to start off by telling you about 2 dreams I had last night. They might have been the same dream, but my mind is separating them, so we'll go with it. The first dream was that me and my family went to have breakfast at an Eat-N-Parklike restaurant before going on a road trip. I had fresh fruit and eggs, even though I hate eggs. Then we drove to this weird house in the middle of nowhere, and when we got there we were greeted by my mom's friend Katherine. Only when I walked in the house suddenly my parents were gone and it was just me and Katherine. So what did we do? Dance around singing Avenue Q, that's what.
The second dream was the first day of school. I walked into my Spanish 4 class and discovered that I didn't know anyone. I took a seat in the middle of the room and twiddled my thumbs. But then, my friend Nate walked into the room. I saw him and mouthed, "Nate! NATE! Over here!" While patting the desk behind me. But our teacher saw this and she said, "Kat, why don't you grab this chair." I walked up to the front of the room and grabbed a loose plastic chair. "Now sit by that table." I was forced to sit in the middle of the room at a table instead of a desk. I blushed and shot a dejected glance at Nate, who merely shrugged.
The weird thing is, my Spanish teacher would never do that, because she is awesome.

Okay, last night I watched the new Degrassi. I was very happy because it was one of the only episodes that really addressed the issue of Marco and Ellie's friendship. Yes, Marco is gay, but he brought up an interesting point- the friendship he and Ellie share really does a number on the real relationships they both have. And the thing that got him to realize that is his douchebaggy boyfriend, who is cute, but that's the only thing he has going for him. And Ellie, although I dislike her as a character, was likeable this time. And I think it's the only time I've ever seen her cry (the episode where she cuts herself doesn't count because it was just a tears-rolling-down-apathetic-goth kind of crying). But the Liberty/Damian thing? Come ON. So unlikely. First of all, nobody is immune to the temptations of the sexy Liberty. But Damian does not seem like the cheating type. And "I like my women feisty and smart"? HE'S WITH EMMA! She's the freaking incarnation of feisty and smart! See?

Feisty

And

Smart!
Plus, I've never really liked Liberty to begin with. I realize JT's death did a number on her, but they didn't have to make her such a bitch after he died. And in the past she's been a socially awkward nerd, as we all know. Is it the Degrassi producers' mission to make Liberty hated by everyone? Huh? IS IT?
After Degrassi came Queen Bees. I have a love/hate relationship with this show. I like Stassi the best, because she doesn't seem straight-up mean (like Shavon, for instance), just self-absorbed and petty. And although Gisbelle's accent annoys me and it was seriously fucked-up to tell her boyfriend she was pregnant when she really wasn't, it seems like she is beginning to realize just how fucked-up that was. Plus, I used to be a chubby nerd with absolutely no social skills, so I can relate to her past. But I hate Shavon, because she's rude and completely childish, and I feel like we've seen everybody's nice side already, except for hers. Which obviously means she has none.

"Nice job, girls. But this time try it without the hair-pulling and eye-gouging, okay?"

tim gunn, kenley collins, lauren conrad. one of these things is not like the other?

2008-07-25T14:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, so how much do I love Tim Gunn?

Rhetorical question, sweet cheeks (that's my pet name for you. Oh yeah. my first post and I already am employing pet names for my readers. I'm like the girlfriend who loves you after the second date). The answer, of course, is "more than I can ever love any significant other I may have". And that's absolutely true. If I date you, be prepared to share your love with a dapper, urbane gay man who is smarter than not only me, but probably everybody on any other fashion program (besides, of course, Tim Gunn's Guide To Style).
He is so cute, with his suit-wearing and his upscale accent that I can't place. I want to be his best friend forever so we can make snide and witty remarks about...I don't know, things. But that will never happen, because sadly, Tim Gunn is probably above hanging out with 16-year-olds, especially ones who act like Spongebob did if he was incredibly gay and fashioncentric. So, let's just talk about Project Runway.

Okay, I hate Blayne. Sorry, but I do. Can you honestly blame me, though? I mean come on! Look at him! First of all, his main priority in life seems to be his tan, which looks to me like he was doused accidentally in soy sauce one day. Second of all, he wears a ratty pink knit hat that looks exactly like the thing AJ wore that one season of ANTM that Janice Dickenson stole from her on the runway during that challenge where they had to interview her. Yeah. It didn't work on her either. Third, he uses the word "Girlicious" so much that I'm beginning to wonder if maybe Robin Antin sent him, and not only that, but he wrote it on his model's thigh during the grocery store challenge, which enraged me in a strange way that nothing ever had before. Let's face it, Blayne is (a gay version of) the frat boy douchebag, and that deserves hatred, as all douchebags do.
But... I love Kenley!!! Homegirl could not be more cute. She's like a younger, sweeter, non-tattooed Kat Von D (who I also love). She looks like an old-school pinup girl, and her designs are fierce! She incorporated my favorite sport, dodgeball, into my favorite thing ever, fashion. Previously I thought those two world would never cross. And they probably never will again. A pioneer, that's Kendall. She does have a slightly edgier and blonde doppelganger, though, the closely-named Kelly, who also wears red lipstick and has a similar hairstyle, and I think has a tattoo. I don't really remember. I love them both.
I don't like Miss Aging Punk Whose Name Escapes Me, and I don't like Miss Horseyfaced Ethereal Hippie Designer Emily. I don't like Suede because he didn't seem to get the memo that he is thirty fucking seven and also, he talks in the third person. Kat does not look kindly upon that. All the other designers I am on fairly good terms with but I have nothing to say about, except for Korto, who is slowly but surely making her way onto my Love List.
Oh, wait! Wesley! Wesley..I'd like to own him. He's so cute!! Cute in that quiet, slightly pretentious hipster way, where he barely says a word and looks cute and quirky in his old school attire, but then blows me away with his amazing designs...it's like he doesn't come out of the woodwork until his true moment to shine. Which he did NOT, in the last episode, when he gave the world a shiny, short, shapeless bulky abortion of a dress that Heidi Montag would probably really love. But you know what, I still love Wesley. Every cowboy sings a sad, sad song, and every hipster occasionally has an off day.

Heidi is rapidly looking more and more like a fashion magazine editor, even though she will never edge out her adorable German quirky cuteness. But seriously, where are her pants? I admit she does have some great legs, but I don't necessarily want to see them all the time. Fine, I do. But ... it's got to at least be cold in there. And doesn't she hate that feeling where you're wearing a short skirt and you've been crossing your bare legs for a long time, and now there's a red spot on your thigh that makes it look like a vengeful bully hurled a dodgeball at you, and your teeny shaved-this-morning stubble keeps poking you in the upper thigh where your legs are crossed? Huh? Doesn't she hate that? Because I sure do.
Oh, wait. Heidi probably gets her legs waxed by angels with pink frosting or something, and she probably has legs that love her so much that they would never dare leaving a red mark on one of their long and spindly comrades. Silly me.

Now, I used to like Lauren Conrad, because like her, I am a tall, young wannabe fashion designer (except that every cell in my body yearns for New York and not L.A.), but the more I see her wearing shapeless empire-waisted short dress shirt thingies, the more I sigh. She's definitely in a rut. And her clothing line is nothing short of proof of said rut. Google it, and you'll find 258,453 similarly identical pieces each selling for approximately 140 bucks more than they're worth.

EDITED LATER BECAUSE OF MY DUBASSERY: I could have just changed it, but I wanted to be honest. Anyway, I didn't mean to call Emily the hippie, when in actuality Leanne is the hippie. This is Leanne:
And this is Emily:
I actually love Emily. So let no confusion arise: according to Kat, Emily good, Leanne bad.